Aloha - D

Bradley Cooper, Emma Stone and Rachel McAdams

Rated PG-13, 105 minutes

Crowe's dreadful, contrived rom com "Aloha" is one to skip

There are not one, but two disaster movies opening this weekend, the earthquake disaster "San Andreas" and then the unintentional romantic comedy disaster, "Aloha," filmed two years ago but delayed because, and no secrets by now, but it's not that good. In spite of a great cast and lovely scenery, this is a big disappointment and one of the year's least compelling, forced romantic comedies. Brian Gilcrest (Bradley Cooper) is a defense contractor who falls for Allison Ng (Emma Stone), an Air Force pilot, after he is assigned to oversee the launch of a weapons satellite from Hawaii, though he runs into some challenges when he finds an old flame (the always lovely Rachel McAdams who deserves better than this). Directed and written by Cameron Crowe, a talented director and writer who seemingly peaked awhile ago, "Aloha" is an unmitigated mess of a movie that rang so false and is so all over the place it gave me a headache. Native Hawaiians are understandably upset by its racial inequality, but movie goers should be the real ones upset by it all, as this badly written and directed movie wastes a talented cast with a tedious, baffling backstory about weapons and rockets; as well, one crucial plot point is so casually thrown away in the last act I wondered why Crowe even bothered with such a contrivance. Cooper and Stone's romance, which should've been the main focus of the movie, is secondary to all the unnecessary screentime devoted to the rockets and the McAdams character and her family, including a badly miscast John Krasinksi as her husband. Bill Murray, as an eccentric billionaire with ulterior motives, has a few good moments, but his time is too brief and even that feels like he's acting in another movie altogether. Besides Murray, the other few bright spots in "Aloha": Cooper and Stone (this plays to some of her more annoyingly hyper tendencies) are an appealing couple with little chemistry given their minimal screentime together, the handsome photography highlights the lovely Hawaiian scenery, and the unique, memorable score from alt-folk-rock group Jonsi & Alex brightens up the movie. In spite of all that, I still didn't buy into a moment of this, especially the pat, sentimental ending, and considering everyone involved, "Aloha" is a dreadful, unfortunate misfire for Crowe. For old times sake, rent "Jerry Maguire," which had you at hello, and say goodbye to "Aloha."

San Andreas - C-

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

Rated PG-13, 114 minutes

"San Andreas" is big, dumb and entertaining: lots of shakes, loads of cheese

I offer no spoilers (as if you need any) for the new disaster movie "San Andreas," but I can tell you the cause of this movie's earthquake, and it has nothing to do with tectonic plates, but rather the mountain of cheese that explodes over California, providing enough melted cheddar for your nachos and then some. Big, dumb and entertaining in a guilty-pleasure, big cheesy movie sorta way with its visuals clearly its most memorable aspect, "San Andreas" would've been a lot more fun if those in it didn't take it so darn seriously - in other words, it's never a good sign when you root for the earthquake. After a devastating earthquake hits California, a Los Angeles Fire Department rescue-helicopter pilot (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) and his ex-wife (Carla Gugino) attempt to leave Los Angeles and head to San Francisco to find and rescue their estranged daughter (Alexandra Daddario), though a noted scientist (Paul Giamatti) has warned everyone of another, stronger earthquake coming and impending doom. Directed by Brad Peyton ("Journey to the Center of the Earth 2") and written by "Lost's" Carlton Cuse, the big-budgeted disaster flick "San Andreas" is never dull, full of ridiculous, action-packed sequences and heavy doses of perfectly-scripted CGI with buildings that tumble just at the right second, fitting in perfectly with the summer crowd: if you like your shakes with a lot of cheese and exploding, crumbling and tumbling things, this is your movie. It may usher in a new series of disaster-movies that were popular in the 1970's ("The Towering Inferno" was my favorite), including the 1974 hit "Earthquake," which starred the 1970's version of The Rock, Charlton Heston and groundbreaking, Oscar-winning special effects. The 2015 version is much like that film, in that the earthquake itself is the real star of the show, with the bland, lackluster human drama, not to mention the preposterous science of it all, on much shakier ground. The Rock himself seems to be a good fit here, but he and Gugino, along with Giamatti (taking on the George Kennedy/Ernest Borgnine role), take it far, far too earnestly, gritting their teeth and spouting bad dialogue such as "it's going to rip California in half" and of course, one of the most overused lines in movie history, "don't quit on me!" I almost did, though, in one sequence involving riding a tsunami in a boat that was so ridiculous I turned to a friend during a recent screening, who was also laughing, and I said "really?" They may not be able to warn of earthquakes in real life, but I can cinematically forewarn you of your expectations: you'll get your money's worth in the mindlessly entertaining disaster flick "San Andreas" and won't remember much about it except for those crumbling buildings, toppling over with the weight of all that cheese.

Poltergeist - D

Sam Rockwell and Rosemarie DeWitt

Rated PG-13, 93 minutes
Wes's Grade: D

There's lots missing in the bland "Poltergeist" remake, including scares

The 1982 Steven Spielberg-produced horror classic "Poltergeist" was one of the first horror films to truly scare the heck out of me as a pre-teen, not to mention I remember the last 20 minutes throwing the movie theater in total disarray. The bland, bloodless remake of "Poltergeist" may instead put you to sleep; in spite of the influence from its producer, horror film legend Sam Raimi, this is really just a banal, non-scary cheesefest. Here, the classic tale is reimagined about the Bowen family (led by Sam Rockwell and Rosemarie DeWitt) whose suburban home is haunted by evil forces. When the terrifying apparitions escalate their attacks and hold the youngest daughter captive, the family must come together to rescue her before she disappears forever. Directed by Gil Kenan ("Monster House") and written by Pulitzer Prize winner David Linsday-Abaire ("Rabbit Hole"), the 2015 version of "Poltergeist" has a few nice touches and serviceable special effects, but is sorely lacking the scares and emotional connection the 1982 classic, directed by Tobe Hooper (of the original "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"). The original slowly moved you into the action to establish the characters, this one plunges you literally feet first with the ghosts, without building a strong family bond and thus the effort to release the youngest daughter from the evil spirits lacks the chills and fun the original had (the clowns aren't even that scary here). What's also missing in this update is two things that made the first one so memorable: unique, diminutive character actress Zelda Rubenstein, also on the TV show "Picket Fences," who played the medium, and that muddy, unfinished swimming pool that made for such a terrifying climax, while here, we get stoic British character actor Jared Harris as TV-based medium, a big tree and a Mini Cooper that speeds away from the action. Rockwell is one of my favorite actors and gets in a few good lines, while DeWitt is a warm mother, but otherwise the cast doesn't seem to gel. When you remake such a scary classic as "Poltergeist" you run the risk of it possibly being better than the original or being truly awful. The reimagined "Poltergeist" doesn't run the risk of either, as it's just a middling, vapid effort with few scares to offer. Skip this and rent the original instead.

Tomorrowland - D+

George Clooney

Rated PG, 107 minutes
Wes's Grade: D+

Bland sci-fi epic "Tomorrowland" a joyless Disney misfire

Timbuk3's infectious 1980s pop song "The Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades" seemed to define a generation bound for success. The opposite seems true in the joylessly vapid new science-fiction movie "Tomorrowland," a gloom-and-doom misfire lacking inspiration that probably seemed much more interesting on paper.  Bound by a shared purpose, former boy-genius Frank (Clooney), jaded by disillusionment, and Casey (Britt Robertson), an optimistic teen bursting with scientific curiosity, embark on a danger-filled mission to unearth the secrets of an enigmatic place somewhere in time and space known only as "Tomorrowland" that could forever alter destiny. Directed by Oscar-winner Brad Bird (of "The Incredibles" and "Ratatouille"), co-written by Bird and Damon Lindelof, "Tomorrowland" is a slick, big-budgeted Disney movie with stellar production values, an intriguing premise and decent special effects seriously hampered by a story that rings very false and manufactured. The film, about an exclusive futuristic society, must've looked and felt great in development, especially with the addition of Oscar-winner Clooney and a promising newcomer in Robertson ("The Longest Ride"), but it's a prime example of how a movie can go wrong in execution and post-production (plus, Disney is known for its meddling in things like this), as the end product is a doomsday-and-robots mess lacking any sense of excitement or wonder. "Tomorrowland" is also an example of how a movie is something completely different than what you get from its trailers, the sense of joy when you discover something new, and outside of its first 20 minutes, it's a muddled, mostly incoherent tale of saving us from a dark future. Not all is completely lost on "Tomorrowland": the first act is OK, the special effects are energetic, and there are a couple of talented young actors with a bright future - Raffey Cassidy, as the young machine Athena, and Thomas Robinson, as the young Frank - both of whom add some much-needed amusement and outshine the rest of the main cast.  Robertson is a pretty yet bland heroine too inexperienced to carry an big movie like this, villain Hugh Laurie is miscast, while Clooney, who is OK but lacking some of his usual charm, is mostly just a grump. After spending so much time on a gloomy future, its new-agey, let's-hold-hands-and-sing-Kumbaya style ending is a little baffling and seems so, well, Disney. Don't call me Nostradamus, but my prediction for "Tomorrowland" is it will be the first major box-office disappointment of the summer movie season (and probably not the last).

Every Secret Thing - C

Rated R, 93 minutes
Wes's Grade: C

Well-acted but tedious crime drama "Every Secret Thing" has trouble keeping interest

The well-acted but stale new crime drama "Every Secret Thing" is a disappointment, considering its stellar pedigree and those involved with the production. The slow-moving film has a few compelling moments and a breakout new actress but it feels a too much like "Gone Baby Gone." Detective Nancy Porter (Elizabeth Banks) is still haunted by her failure to save a missing baby. Eight years later, another child goes missing in the same town just days after Ronnie and Alice (Dakota Fanning and newcomer Danielle Macdonald), the two girls convicted of the earlier crime are released. Porter and her partner (Nate Park) race against time to stop another crime but unearth even more secrets from Alice's mother (Diane Lane) that has them questioning everything. Directed by Academy Award nominee Amy Berg (of the documentary "Deliver Us From Evil"), written by Nicole Holofcener ("Enough Said") based on Laura Lippman's novel of the same and produced by Oscar-winner Frances McDormand (in her feature producing debut), "Every Secret Thing" is modestly compelling with a strong female presence but is ultimately a downbeat, uneven movie that has trouble keeping its audience fully engaged, especially with some underwritten characters that have little to do (Fanning and Banks' characters in particular aren't well-drawn). The movie shows promise with an interesting premise, but is drearily slow in execution, especially that tedious second act which hampers the film's emotional impact, especially when some of its secrets finally come to light. "Every Secret Thing" works better as a character-driven drama than a whodunit, and on that note it benefits from a decent cast, with the movie's best performance coming from newcomer Macdonald, in a breakout, smart turn and the most memorable line: "no one ever believes the fat girl, especially you" she says when interrogated about the new crime. "Every Secret Thing," with the exception of Macdonald's affecting turn, is a bit of a letdown in the end and lacks mystery if you've been paying attention, or staying awake.

Slow West - B+

Michael Fassbender and Kodi Smit-McPhee

Rated R, 84 minutes
Wes's Grade: B+

Simmering "Slow West' is a refreshing look at the Old West

"Slow West" is a unique, satisfying Western about two men on a journey with different motives. Slow-moving, well-acted and handsomely shot, this isn't "Outlaw Josey Wales" Eastwood, it's more of the slow burn "Unforgiven" Eastwood. At the end of the nineteenth century, 16-year-old Jay Cavendish (Kodi Smit-McPhee) journeys across the American frontier in search of the woman he loves (Caren Pistorius). He is joined by Silas (Michael Fassbender), a mysterious traveler, and hotly pursued by an outlaw (Ben Mendelsohn) along the way. Directed and written by John Maclean in an auspicious debut as feature director and writer, "Slow West" is a simmering yet refreshing look that has a lot of elements: some amusing moments, some bloody moments, some tender moments, all of which capture the harshness of the old west, including the depressing ending full of blood and sadness. Most westerns tend to focus on the violence, without gaining a look at the humanity of what life was like then, which "Slow West" does so very well. The efficient film (only 84 minutes), is well-grounded by the strong performances of Fassbender and Smit-McPhee, who is especially memorable as the young man seeking the love of his life (and finally finds her, in the most unusual of ways, at the end of the movie), with lovely photography and score that add some nice texture and solace to the movie. On the downside, "Slow West" is a little slow and uneven, and the middle act in particular tends to lose its footing until the memorable, violent climax. Still, I was impressed with the fact that Maclean handles it astutely, even though I would've preferred a different ending. "Slow West," with its character-driven, slow-moving portrait of the Old West, may not be for everyone, but it's a subtle, entertaining look at love lost amidst the plains.

I Am Big Bird: The Caroll Spinney Story - B

Unrated, 90 minutes
Wes's Grade: B

"I Am Big Bird" a touching, fascinating drama about the man behind the suit

If you grew up watching the TV show "Sesame Street" as I did in the 1970s, you knew full well who Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch were, though until recently I hadn't seen the man who performed these characters. Caroll Spinney, has entertaining children for over 40 years yet at 81 years old, he has no intention of stopping. The touching, fascinating new documentary "I Am Big Bird: The Caroll Spinney Spinney Story" takes a look at Spinney's life and work at "Sesame Street. Co-directed by documentary filmmakers Dave LaMattina and Chad Walker and written by LaMattina, "I Am Big Bird" is engaging, and both powerful and often syrupy, especially recalling memories of Jim Henson and the early days "Sesame Street," though you better have plenty of tissues handy when they show the clip of Big Bird performing at Henson's funeral, one of the film's best scenes. There are plenty of interviews, all of whom have plenty of nice things to say about Spinney, including his second wife Debra, all of his children, Henson's daughter, his Big Bird stand-in and Frank Oz, among many others (including a host of old Sesame Street performers). It's also a fascinating behind-the-scenes look, especially when they show the operation of Big Bird's suit and they also mention an interesting fact: that Spinney (as Big Bird) was originally intended to go on the fateful Space Shuttle Challenger in 1986, though he couldn't fit and teacher Christa McAuliffe went in his place. It's also a nice dichotomy of sorts to know that the man behind such an uplifting character as Big Bird also voices his polar opposite, Oscar the Grouch (one of my favorite characters). "I Am Big Bird" does tend toward the touchy-feely, but it is inspiring to see Spinney in his old age continuing to work, without any intention of retiring.  As Big Bird himself would likely say, that just fine. Worth a look whether for "Sesame Street" fans or those who enjoy an entertaining behind-the-scenes story.