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| Gwyneth Paltrow and Johnny Depp |
Dreadfully unfunny comedy "Mortdecai" is Depp's fault
Well, the Depp Downslide is real and is continues to unfold. Johnny Depp's latest cinematic travesty is the painfully unfunny comedy thriller "Mortdecai," based on the Charlie Mortdecai book series from Kyril Bonfiglioli, who must be turning over in his grave after reading some of the reviews of the film. Juggling some angry Russians, the British Mi5 (Ewan McGregor), his impossibly leggy wife (Gwyneth Paltrow) and an international terrorist (Jonny Pasvolsky), debonair art dealer and part time rogue Charlie Mortdecai (Depp) must traverse the globe armed only with his good looks and special charm in a race to recover a stolen painting rumored to contain the code to a lost bank account filled with Nazi gold. Directed by acclaimed screenwriter David Koepp ("Jurassic Park," the first "Spider-Man" and Depp's own "Carlito's Way" before he sold out to making awful movies like this), the miscast and miscalculated "Mortdecai" is as horrible as it looks, and if you want an idea of how bad you can just take a look at the pictures of the hideous moustache sported by Mortdecai hroughout the movie. Depp, whose charm has grown thin of late, is just wrong for the part, and his attempts at an Inspector Clouseau-type of "Pink Panther" thriller falls very flat, to the point that this incoherent mess of a movie gave me a headache trying to follow it and see it lumber through it's paces. The only real character I liked was Mortdecai's assistant/henchman, Jock Strapp (it looks much funnier on paper than it really is), who is a good sport about being beat up, thrown around and generally abused for the sake of his employer. Paltrow tries hard in a pretty character that's really unnecessary to the movie itself, and she is wasted, as is the lovely Olivia Munn and usually funny Jeff Goldblum. Yes, Mr. Depp, this is your fault, again (though the recent "Tusk" was not), and I simply didn't find a thing about it funny or even mildly charming. My recommendation to him, before his downslide completely ruins his career, is to simply retire to that island of yours, disappear from the public for a few years and reemerge in small, supporting parts in edgy, independent films that may restore some of your cred as an actor (which may not happen since he just signed on to another "Pirates" film, a big mistake). No surprise, but skip the dreadful "Mortdecai," it really is an unpleasant experience.
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