Pan - D

Hugh Jackman

Rated PG, 111 minutes

Well someone must've thought this was a good idea. It was likely someone in Hollywood, given that anyone associated with the original Peter Pan work likely would have steered the ship clear of this one. J.M. Barrie, author of that classic children's novel must be turning over in his grave at the sight of the disastrous, dull and unnecessary prequel "Pan," which plays like a strange acid trip lacking the magic of the real story. Living a bleak existence at a London orphanage, 12-year-old Peter (Levi Miller) finds himself whisked away to the fantastical world of Neverland. Adventure awaits as he meets new friend James Hook (Garrett Hedlund) and the warrior Tiger Lily (Rooney Mara). They must band together to save Neverland from the ruthless pirate Blackbeard (Hugh Jackman). Along the way, the rebellious and mischievous boy discovers his true destiny, becoming the hero forever known as Peter Pan. Directed by Joe Wright ("Atonement" and "Hannah"), and written by Jason Fuchs ("Ice Age: Continental Drift") based on Barrie's original story, this CGI-loaded epic origin story made my head hurt and is the "Waterworld" of Peter Pan films: big, bad and expensive, and not even a bucket load of that magic fairy dust could save this pirate ship from crashing and burning. There are some bursts of energy and fun, and Miller is a handsome Peter, but not much of it made any sense even in the fantasy world this is set in, wasting an otherwise talented, though largely miscast, cast of actors. Most unfortunate is Oscar-nominee Jackman as Blackbeard, who's subjected to wearing an awful get up that's as weird and clunky as the movie itself  - by the way, those big Neverland birds actually kinda freaked me out. Also scary are two other key miscastings that hurt the movie: the bland Garrett Hedlund, who lacks the depth and gravitas for Hook, and lily (pun intended) white Rooney Mara as Tiger Lily, which is usually played as by a Native American, an unusual casting move that makes it feel even stranger given the actors playing her tribemates aren't caucasian. It also doesn't help that "Pan" is considerably uneven: a sluggish start and the strange sequences with Blackbeard give way to its sentimental, CG-loaded climax that will have most audiences scratching their heads. Director Wright shouldn't feel too bad, even Spielberg couldn't get the Peter Pan story right either in the 1991 flop "Hook," and ironically it was a revisionist story, and Spielberg went on to greater heights with the Oscar-winning "Schindler's List" after "Hook." The bizarre and unsatisfying "Pan" may hold some interest for those who enjoy the Peter Pan story, but it's far from magical, or award-winning in any way, however it's so bad it could become a cult classic in the future. Until then, I'd stay far away from this mess.