Wes's Grade: DThe dreadful, silly fantasy "Seventh Son" a forgettable experience
Well the cinematic dumping continues. I thought there was enough last month, but it continues this weekend with not one but two turkeys, the Wachowski's awful "Jupiter Ascending" and now this unbridled mess of an action movie, the silly swords-and-boots fantasy "Seventh Son." Filmed in 2012, the long-delayed film is now finding its way to haunt moviegoers to qualify for 2015's Razzie Awards, of whose voting body should sit up and take notice. Based on Joseph Delaney's novel "The Spook's Apprentice," this plays more like "The Dumbest Apprentice Ever" and is filled with enough flashy special effects to hide the flimsy story and terrible acting. Master Gregory (Jeff Bridges) is a knight who had imprisoned the malevolently powerful witch, Mother Malkin (Julianne Moore), centuries ago. But now she has escaped and is seeking vengeance. Summoning her followers of every incarnation, Mother Malkin is preparing to unleash her terrible wrath on an unsuspecting world, unless Master Gregory can act quickly. He has only until the next full moon to do what usually takes years: train his new apprentice, Tom Ward (Ben Barnes) to fight a dark magic unlike any other. Man's only hope lies in the seventh son of a seventh son. Directed by Sergei Bodrov ("Mongol") and co-written by Charles Leavitt and Steven Knight, this horrendous action film is so absurd even for a fantasy, and it's so badly executed it makes you wonder where it all went wrong. Apparently, it lost ground in the delays and post-production, as the finished product is nowhere near what was seemingly envisioned, with confusing gaps in narrative (jumping without explanation to another action sequence) and characters so dumb that Delaney, who wrote the novel, has to be shaking his head. It also doesn't help that Oscar-winner Bridges is badly miscast here, a crucial miscasting that really hurts the movie; Bridges, who is otherwise a fine actor, has the annoying habit of altering his voice and mouth and calling it a "character," but it just comes across as Jeff Bridges In Annoying Voice, and as played by him, Master Gregory is simply a bonehead (and Barnes' character equally dumb for following him, even if he is the seventh son, or whatever). It also reminds me that the legendary "Oscar Curse" is still very much alive, and Bridges' recent string of flops is akin to what happened to Sean Connery and Nic Cage, both of whom would jump at these take-the-money-and-run parts in action/fantasy dreck just like this. Oscar-contender Moore's chances at winning an award this year shouldn't be diminished, though this is something that will still appear on her resume, and at least she looks great strutting around in some fancy costumes and glowing red hair. One good thing: "Seventh Son" is short and sweet and moves along quickly, with loads of creatures and glossy special effects that can't hide that there really isn't much else there (and if you're going just to see "Games of Thrones" Kit Harington, it won't be for long, blink and he's gone). At best, it's dreadful and completely forgettable, so I'd wouldn't go near "Seventh Son" if I were you.
No comments:
Post a Comment