Hitman: Agent 47 - D

Rated R, 90 minutes

It's late August after most of the summer blockbusters have died down, not to mention it's based on a popular video game. Those two things don't bode well for the dumb new thriller "Hitman: Agent 47," a bloody, bad spectacle that would be completely forgettable if not for the shiny red Audi RS7 that all but steals the movie and something that could be a fun guilty pleasure in the right mood (i.e. a few adult drinks). An elite assassin and killing machine known only as Agent 47 ("Homeland's" Rupert Friend) is hired by a group known only as 'The Organization' is ensnared in a political conspiracy, which finds him pursued by both Interpol and the Russian military as he treks across Russia and Eastern Europe. He teams with a young woman named Katia (Hannah Ware) who may have the secret to defeating Agent 47's chief foe, a mega-corporation who wants to create an army of super-killing machines far more powerful than 47. Directed by newcomer Aleksander Bach in his debut movie and with a story by producer Skip Woods, who also wrote and produced the first "Hitman" movie in 2007 (more on that later), "Hitman: Agent 47" is slick, fast and stupid, though it proving that a few fast-paced action scenes doesn't always make for a great movie. It's really a few silly action sequences strung together by some muddled story about the girl's father (the criminally underrated character actor Ciaran Hinds, who doesn't belong here) and the two being hunted down by some other deadly, superhuman agent (Zachary Quinto). Quinto is a decent actor (and note to his agent - this is not "Star Trek") but he's wasted under the slack direction from Bach, who obviously gives preference to the action scenes and blood, some of which is fun, particularly a good chase sequence in a parking garage with the Audi. However, bland leads Friend and Ware, in stiff Milla Jovovich-style performances, really hurt the movie's chances of being taken seriously, and it doesn't help they spout some horrible dialogue this side of "Resident Evil." "An agent's advantage is not his body. It's his mind," he says as he turns around to shoot somebody in the head. Agent 47 also asks "Do you know why you are still alive? Because I chose not to kill you." Well, duh. On that note, going into this film, I was initially under the (false) impression this was a sequel to the 2007 film "Hitman" - based on the same video game - starring the talented Timothy Olyphant, and I kept wondering why Olyphant wasn't in this film too. Then, I realized quickly my mistake and this wasn't a sequel at all, but a new film. Go figure. The vastly unsatisfying, dull "Hitman: Agent 47" is peppered with a few good action scenes and splatters of blood, but you might get more out of the video game - even gamers might be disappointed on the movie's very loose adaptation of the game - but maybe they'll be able to decipher what the heck that confusing end-credits stinger scene meant.